CALLING MAREN ALTMAN
THIS WEEK ON CMF, DJOULIET CALLS ASTROLOGER, EX-CRYPTO BADDIE, METAL ROCK SINGER, AND GOOD FRIEND MAREN ALTMAN
DJ AND MAREN MET AT SOULCYCLE IN 2017. DJ WAS WORKING BEHIND THE FRONT DESK. HERE ARE SOME OUT OF CONTEXT TRANSCRIPTIONS OF THEIR MOST RECENT PHONE CALL.
MAREN: ONE OF THEM IS A SPHYNX.
DJOULIET: I HEARD YOU HAVE TO PUT SUNSCREEN ON A SPHYNX IF THEY ARE OUT IN THE SUN FOR A WHILE…
MAREN: WHERE ARE YOU?
DJOULIET: I’M IN GEORGIA RIGHT NOW.
MAREN: I FIGURED YOU WERE STILL IN ATLANA.
DJOULIET: I’M HERE FILMING. DUDE, I FEEL LIKE SO MUCH HAS CHANGED IN YOUR LIFE.
THE TWO WOMEN GET FRUSTRATED OVER THE CELL CONNECTION. MAREN HANGS UP, AND DJOULIET TRIES AGAIN. BOTH GIRLS FLUSTERED, THE CONVERSATION CONTINUES.
MAREN: ANWAY, YES, THE PAST FIVE MONTHS I’VE JUST BEEN RECORDING VOCALS. BASICALLY TWELVE HOURS A DAY. I FEEL LIKE I’M LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE.
I DIDN’T SEND YOU MY LATEST DEMOS YET, DID I?
DJOULIET: YOU SENT ME ONE OF THEM, AND I THOUGHT IT WAS SOOOOO CRAZY LISTENING TO YOU SING.
MAREN: YEAH, IT NEEDS TO BE MIXED, THAT WON’T BE THE ACTUAL SONG.
DJOULIET SMILES UNDER HER BREATH. HER GAZE HARDENS (WHATEVER THAT MEANS)
MAREN: TOMORROW, ALL DAY, FROM 8 TO 8, WE’RE FILMING MY FIRST MUSIC VIDEO IN A LITERAL ASYLUM.
DJOULIET: DUDE.
MAREN: I HAVE NO WORDS. I SOLD MY PLACE IN DUBAI. THAT WAS A FIASCO, THANK GOD IT SOLD.
DJOULIET: DIDN’T YOU BUY THAT WITH CRYPTO? HOW DID YOU SELL IT?
MAREN: IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER HOW YOU BUY IT, BUT THE CRAZY PART WAS THAT I DIDN’T REALIZE I WAS BUYING A TIMESHARE.
MY MANAGER WAS READING THE PAPERWORK AND SAW THAT I WAS ONLY ALLOWED TO LIVE THERE FOR THREE MONTHS OUT OF THE YEAR… BUT I WAS PAYING (REDACTED). I HAD TO SELL IT FOR (REDACTED).
WHEN I WAS SELLING IT TO THE NEW OWNER I NEEDED TO PROVIDE THE PAPERWORK FOR IT, WHICH WAS IN MY STORAGE UNIT IN VENICE. SO I WENT DIGGING AROUND IN BOXES THAT I HAVEN’T OPENED SINCE 2021 TRYING TO FIND THESE PAPERS!
I FIND THEM, THEN WE HAVE TO GET THEM ON A PRIVATE JET WITH MY (REDACTED) TO THE BUYER IN VEGAS. THE BUYER GOES BACK TO DUBAI AND MEETS MY FRIEND WITH THE MONEY.
I HAD TO SIGN OVER POWER OF ATTORNEY TO MY FRIEND SO HE COULD GET THE MONEY FOR ME. HE COULD HAVE RUN AWAY WITH ALL THE MONEY, BUT THANK GOD HE WIRED IT TO ME… NOW I HAVE MY NET WORTH BACK!
DJOULIET: HOLY FUCK!
MAREN: I’VE JUST BEEN RECORDING VOCALS AND NO ONE REALLY KNOWS BESIDES MY GOOD FRIENDS. AND I’M WORKING IN THE STUDIO WITH A PRODUCER WHO WORKS WITH SOME OF MY FAVORITE BANDS.
DJOULIET: I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO PURSUE MUSIC? BECAUSE… YOU WERE DOING ASTROLOGY… AND WHAT DO YOU CALL IT… ASTRO-FINANCE?
MAREN: A PART OF ME NEVER WANTS TO SPEAK ABOUT ANYTHING FINANCIAL EVER AGAIN. IT FEELS LIKE A WASTE OF MY CREATIVITY. LIKE, A LOT OF THE COMMUNITY, I CAN’T STAND IT.
DJOULIET: YOU JUST GOT THE “ICK”?
MAREN: I THINK I’M JUST TRAUMATIZED. I WAS SO DOWN AFTER PEOPLE STARTED JUST COMING AFTER ME ABOUT WEIRD FINANCIAL SHIT. IT JUST WASN’T WORTH IT.
PEOPLE ACCUSED ME OF STEALING AND DOING FRAUD, AND I DIDN’T. I GOT SUCH A LEVEL OF CRINGE THAT I’VE NEVER HAD BEFORE.
I’M DOING ASTROLOGY BUT I KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT MUSIC MAY VERY WELL EXPAND GREATER IN MY LIFE.
DJOULIET: I’M SPEECHLESS.
MAREN: I MEAN, I’VE BEEN DOING SOME SPIRITUAL INNER WORK OVER THE PAST SIX MONTHS. AND I’M REALIZING THAT WHAT I WANTED TO DO AT IT’S CORE IS ENTERTAINMENT. FILM, MUSIC, I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE IN HORROR FILMS AND EVERYTHING.
ASTROLOGY IS A LIFELONG PASSION, BUT A LOT OF WHAT I ENDED UP DOING JUST HAPPENED BY ACCIDENT. THE VIRALITY KIND OF SWEPT ME UP. IF NO ONE WAS WATCHING I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE IT. I WASN’T DOING IT FOR ME. I HAD TO REALIZE THAT. SO I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT I WOULD WANT TO BE DOING EVERYDAY FOR ME, AND BEING IN THE STUDIO RECORDING, ALL DAY, WAS IT.
IF A MILLION PEOPLE WERE TO TELL ME THAT MY MUSIC SUCKS I WOULDN’T CARE. I’M HAVING A BLAST.
DJOULIET: IT’S NICE TO NOT GIVE A FUCK.
WAIT, WHAT WAS WITH YOUR NEW YORK PLACE? THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT SHIT ON THE WALLS?
MAREN LAUGHS
MAREN: BASICALLY, I NEVER REALLY LIVED IN DUBAI… I’VE ONLY BEEN THERE A MONTH TOTAL OF MY LIFE. I JUST BOUGHT THAT PLACE THERE AND I COMPLETELY REGRETTED IT.
THEN I GOT A NEW PLACE IN NEW YORK. I RENTED OUT A SPOT ON THE 44TH FLOOR OF A NEW BUILDING IN TIMES SQUARE. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL, IT WAS ALL GLASS, OVERLOOKING THE CITY. IT WAS WAY TOO EXPENSIVE THOUGH. THERE WERE RANDOM FEES. IT WAS 5K A MONTH PLUS 2K IN FEES EVERY MONTH.
DJOULIET: NO NO NO. IN TIMES SQUARE? THAT SOUNDS LIKE HELL.
MAREN: WHEN I WAS IN NEW YORK I HAD JUST GOTTEN HOME FROM MY (REDACTED) AND THE TOILET IN MY PLACE SOLIDIFIED. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT SO I FLUSHED IT, AND IT JUST EXPLODED ALL OVER THE WALL! MANAGEMENT DIDN’T COME! IT WAS FLOODING THE BATHROOM.
THE NEXT DAY I SAID “I NEED TO BREAK MY LEASE, THERE’S A BIOHAZARD IN MY PLACE.” I HAD ALREADY MOVED EVERYTHING OUT BEFORE I EVEN TOLD THEM.
DJOULIET: OH FUCK, I’M SORRY THAT HAPPENED. UM, HOW’S LA? :-)
MAREN: I WAS WALKING IN VENICE TO GO GET COFFEE FOR MY MANAGER AND (REDACTED).
OUT OF NOWHERE I’M THROWN TO THE GROUND, AND BEATEN ON MY BACK. I THOUGHT I HAD BEEN HIT BY A MOTORCYCLE. I LOOK UP AND I SEE A MAN AND HE’S COMING DOWN TO PUNCH ME, SO I SCREAM BLOODY MURDER AND RUN TO THE NEAREST STORE, WHICH IS A PET STORE. I CALL THE COPS. THEY SAID THEY WERE GONNA SEND SOMEBODY BUT THEY NEVER CAME.
DJOULIET, STUNNED, DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING FOR A FEW BEATS. SHE SWALLOWS AS IF SUMMONING WORDS.
DJOULIET: SO NO COPS EVER CAME?
MAREN: NO! NO COPS OR AN AMBULANCE EITHER.
DJOULIET: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GUY?
MAREN: I’M NOT SURE. I THINK HE WAS ON DRUGS. I THINK THAT’S THE ONLY EXPLANATION. BUT BESIDES THAT, THINGS ARE ON THE UP FOR ME, BETTER WEATHER, MY SONGS ARE ABOUT TO COME OUT SOON. I HAVE A CRUSH ON MY (REDACTED). IT’S HELPFUL FOR (REDACTED) MY TIME HERE.
DJOULIET: IT’S SO FUN TO HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO.
MAREN: ANYWAY, I SEE YOU’RE DOING THINGS, I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WOULD.
DJOULIET: YEAH, BIG DOOR PRIZE COMES OUT TOMORROW!
MAREN: IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU.
DJOULIET: THANK YOU! IT WAS SO LONG AGO, THAT I FEEL IT’S JUST TIME FOR IT TO BE OUT IN THE WORLD ALREADY. I DON’T KNOW, IT’S SO FUCKING WEIRD.
MAREN: YES! HEY, I HAVE TO (REDACTED). I’M RUNNING LATE, BUT KEEP ME POSTED ON EVERYTHING.
DJOULIET: LOVE YOU! (REDACTED) (REDACTED) (REDACTED)
MAREN: LOVE YOU TOO.
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Good stuff!!!!!!!
Very interested to see what’s next!
That’s fun!! Thanks for sharing. I hope they are recovered from all that (redacted). Sounds like it was pretty stressful.